Salsa Night in the Land of Pharaohs

MANILA, Philippines — A German, a Frenchman and a Filipino walk into a bar in downtown Cairo.

No joke here, it’s just “Salsa Night” at the El Mojito as I and my friends from Berlin (journalist Stefan Kaempf) and Paris (travel operator Jacques Judéaux) have just spent a day touring the Pyramids of Giza, the Egyptian Museum and the lonely, nose-less Sphinx — people generally blame Napoleon for that. We are in dire need of some Sakara beer on this lovely evening of human spinning tops and muy caliente salsa versions of Beatles songs. We are really nowhere men after a hard day’s night, but at this hour — by the tomb of Tutankhamun — there shall be dancing.

Egypt is a beautiful country, truly worth visiting not only for its ancient pharaonic splendor and its pop cultural appeal (how many “Curse of the Mummy”-themed movies have you watched?), but also for the history and rich traditions of its Coptic Christian churches. Like in any other dream destination, there are little nightmares to contend with.

Checking out the bazaars of Khan el-Khalili with their souvenirs, antiques, jewelry, as well as coffee and shisha bars is essential. Just the sight of the Al Hussein Mosque alone is worth the cab money. But it could be quite stressful to walk the lengths of the souk as almost all the shopkeepers greet you with “Sawadeekap!” even if you’re Pinoy, and try to get you to buy whatever it is that they sell. Not one, not two, not… At touristy prices. But there are always exceptions.

An Egyptian proprietor who has a Filipino wife was so accommodating, patiently showing customers the materials and the craftsmanship of his Horus masks and glow-in-the-dark papyrus prints. Another allowed me to pluck the Sunshine of Your Love riff (in memory of the late great bassist Jack Bruce) on an oud he was selling. A third one shared how his father used to be a humble statuette carver and now the son owns a shop of his own. But the others, they will try to convince you to buy the Pyramid of Cheops at half the price. The key, I suppose, is to feign disinterest, well, that usually works — even if you’re already imagining the statue of Anubis sitting snugly atop your bookcase, or a black ankh dangling from your scrawny neck. Like Dream’s gothic sister.

When visiting Giza, some of the locals volunteer to take that Instagram-worthy picture of you seemingly holding a pyramid on your tiny touristy palm. Be forewarned: they have mastered the angles, thus they want to be tipped for their trick photography skills. Just politely stay away.

If you get lost, there are helpful Tourism and Antiquities policemen around to give directions. Be generous with the word shukran which means thanks. Take extra care when crossing the street because thoroughfares transform into Carmageddon and Gran Turismo during rush hour. Prepare yourself for some heavy traffic when in Cairo, but I guess you already got your training because Manila traffic is far more hellish.

I brought a hat and a pair of shades, but forgot to bring sunblock. In the desert you will remember one name: Coppertone. Or Hawaiian Tropic. Or…

Be aware of religious customs. If you’re a woman, bring a shawl or a scarf whenever you visit holy sites or shrines whether Moslem or Coptic Christian. Take off your shoes when entering places of worship. Even if your surname is Sartre or Camus, and believe that in the end there can only be Nothingness.

Just like what I wrote in my Israel travelogue ages ago: “Always remember the key phrase: ‘Tradition has it…’” Don’t ask for forensic evidence. Don’t be downright dismissive: there is usually symbolism involved in all those apocryphal stories. You might learn something. The day is short; the debate is forever.

If you’re headed for the desert, do not wear trainers with lots of air holes. It’s a bitch to remove sand afterwards.

At the Egyptian Museum of Antiquities, they don’t allow visitors to take photos — even without the use of a flash. Cameras aren’t even permitted into the premises. I asked our guide about this and he said the objects in the museum are rare, very fragile, so imagine thousands of tourists clicking incessantly at scrolls, tablets painted with organic colors, and King Tut’s otherworldly possessions. That makes sense. This will allow you to treasure what you’re seeing even more. Store that into the hard drive in your head.

So what if your hotel room does not have Wi-Fi? Dude, make coffee, look out the window, light up a Cleopatra king-size cigarette, and see morning Cairo waking up from its foggy, windy dream. Or see the lights at night as the evening empire returns into sand. Savor each second. What’s that Japanese phrase? Ah… “Each moment only once.” Listen as the guide tells you that the lotus flower is the symbol of resurrection and love. The photos posted by friends on Facebook or Instagram (food shots, selfies, cat photos and — the most baffling of all — shoe selfies), or the nuggets of wisdom clanking inside their pretty little Twitter-heads… those definitely can wait.

Lastly, dig the scenery. An alley in Coptic Cairo, a stroll down Tahrir Square, or simply standing by the banks of the River Nile just like the Ancients before you — you won’t get to experience these things every day. Keep in mind the mandatory don’ts when visiting a country such as Egypt for they are legion. But the do’s, baby, the do’s… they will float your felucca.

And when you find yourself at the El Mojito, do as Stefan does: take those mummified feet of yours and salsa away the gloom.